A few months ago, while I was working out, I dislocated my shoulder and found myself in almost 2 months of physical therapy. During that time, I couldn't continue my normal workouts. It meant no push-ups, weights, burpees, etc. The only other workout option I could think of during that time was walking or running. At first, even running was painful for my shoulder, so I would run for only 30 seconds to a minute at a time until my shoulder was stronger. Since it wasn't long-distance running and I was enjoying it so much (I was still in The Sound of Music stage), I convinced myself that maybe I really was a runner. I had the bright idea for Jon and I to sign up for a 5k. So we did it! We signed up and started training. It was springtime, cool in the mornings and we were doing a mix of walking and running. It was great! But, we had not thought through the fact that the 5k was at the end of July and we would have to train in the middle of the summer, or the fact that eventually I would have to run the entire 5k! But, now we were committed. We had to see it through. So, I grabbed my inhaler and my music and we began to really train hard for the race. Each day got more and more humid, each run got longer and longer and all of a sudden there was the familiar pain in my legs. Normally, I would have quit at this point, but we were committed. I kept pushing through the pain and I had an amazing husband who rubbed my feet at night just so I could fall asleep. There were some days when our run was a great success and then there were days that were horrible failures where I just quit and walked home in tears. It was a battle! And surprisingly, the biggest battle for me was not physical. It was mental. It was thoughts that said, "You're not going to finish", "You're not strong enough", "What are you doing? You're not a runner". It was not an easy battle, but I kept fighting. I kept my headphones in with worship music playing and began to focus my thoughts and attention on the One where my strength comes from. I began to actually pour myself out on Him in worship and thankfulness as I was running and reminding myself that "I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me." And finally the day came that I was able to run the full distance without stopping. It was a day of celebration and we still had about 6 weeks before the race to start working on our time. Those last weeks were extremely difficult because of the heat and humidity. There were days that I just couldn't finish the run. But, still, I was running. I was doing what I never thought I could do! I was actually overcoming all the obstacles. I realized my body was capable of anything. It all had to do with my belief system.
We made it to race day! It was time to run and we were feeling great! I just knew we would finish with our best time ever. The race began and I could tell we were off to a great start. And then it happened. We hadn't even made it to the 1 mile marker yet and I stepped on an uneven crack. My ankle went one way and I went the other. My first thought was that it was broken. I was devastated. Jon helped me up and we began walking (hopping) forward trying to find a first aid tent. I was so disappointed thinking there was no way I would be able to finish the race. We couldn't see the tent and as I hopped around for a few minutes I realized I couldn't really feel my ankle or foot anymore. I knew that probably wasn't a good sign, but it also meant I wasn't feeling any pain. I looked at Jon and said, "I am finishing this race!" (Disclaimer: do not try this at home. To all those in the medical field out there, I know this was probably not the best decision. But, what can I say? I was determined! 😉) I began to walk, then jog and by the time we were at the 1 mile marker it had been almost 16 minutes, but I was running. I ran the last 2 miles and there it was. The finish line! We made it. I finished the race! We finished a little over 34 minutes which was definitely not our fastest time, but I was so proud of myself for finishing after the fall. I took my shoe off after we finished and my foot began to blow up like a balloon. It was a very severe sprain. I am currently in the middle of what the doctor thinks will be a 12 week process. I'm back at physical therapy, wearing a brace, and still have another 4-5 weeks before the doctor will let me try lightly jogging. But, I am working hard to get my ankle strong again and we are already thinking about the next race we can sign up for.
I have learned a lot and am still learning so much through this process. I am learning patience and endurance. I am learning what I am capable of and to be proud of myself. It has been hard work. I had to make a decision not to give up and that I was going to finish the race no matter what. I had to learn to be ok with the days that were failures and not let that stop me. I had to learn to give myself grace. After a bad run, I had to let it go and get back up the next day and give it my all. I had to start believing I could do it. I had to uncover the lies I was believing about myself and speak (I literally talked to myself as I ran) truth about myself. Truth really does set us free! I am still learning patience in the healing process. This part has been almost as hard for me as the training. It is hard being told you can't do something. I'm not going to lie, I literally burst into tears after leaving the doctors office when he told me how long it would be before I could run again. It is hard having such a big setback and dealing with the disappointment of almost having to start over. And I am definitely getting a little stir crazy with having to rest my ankle so much, but I have to keep telling myself I WILL run again. And I am extremely thankful that this is only temporary when I think of so many who are unable to run. I AM strong and I will be training for my next race in no time.
Maybe you are walking through a difficult situation, have a difficult fitness goal or have a dream in your heart, but it seems impossible. Whatever it is, I am saying to you, "you CAN do it!" Tell all those thoughts and lies that say it's not possible to be quiet! It may not be easy. It may take time. You may have to push through some pain, but the reward of finishing the race is so worth it! You may fall down, but that's ok! FORGIVE YOURSELF, get back up and keep going. (I really did have to forgive myself for falling on race day.) Don't let fear of failing hold you back. Push past disappointment. Don't give up. Don't quit! Don't be afraid to go after your dream! Put people around you that will cheer you on. And remember that you have a Heavenly Father who is always cheering you on!
Most of the time, the only thing holding us back is our mind. Change your mind to believe that ALL things are possible. Uncover the lies and start believing truth. Start running your race and you will see that you really are STRONGER than you think!
